Empty Womb Syndrome

While I am impatiently waiting to hear if I will be approved or denied for the clinical trial, I decided to write about something that I've struggled with for years, empty womb syndrome. It is a term used to describe how people feel when they struggle with infertility. The feeling that they want a baby so bad, they believe they were destined to have a baby, but for whatever reason, it isn't happening for them.

Ever since I was a little girl, kindergarten to be specific, I wanted to be a mother. In my kindergarten class, we had to come up with 3 things we wanted out of life. My list consisted of a hot husband (those exact words), a limo (still waiting on that one, although I think I can switch that to a Maybach now), and to have children. I thought having children would be one of the easiest things on my list to obtain. How naive was I? In the defense of my 5-year-old self, I think that it is still a common misconception that it is simply easy to get pregnant and have a baby.

According to the World Health Organization, in 2010 an estimated 48.5 million couples were unable to conceive after trying for 5 years. Wow!! I am apart of that 48.5 million. My husband and I tried for 8 long years, and have since then given up. Does that mean my empty womb syndrome is healed? Or that we still don't desire to have children of our own? No, not at all. It just means that we are ok either way. For my sanity, I had to give up the constant "trying" to conceive. The 24-hour thoughts, every minute of every day. The tracking of symptoms, tracking of cm, the tracking of temperature. It consumed me, and I think on some level, took some of the intimacy out of our marriage. Which, we are working on improving.

I would also like to add, that just because I stopped "trying" does not mean that I will get pregnant. That is one of the phrases I hate the most! So, FYI, don't tell women trying to get pregnant that they may get pregnant when they stop trying!!! Yes, we know your cousin's fiance, or brother's friend, or pastor's wife miraculously got pregnant when she stopped trying. That is called a coincidence, which happens all the time, all around us. If a woman stops trying, she has no chance of getting pregnant. The only way women can truly stop trying is if she is abstinent, goes on birth control, or gets a hysterectomy. Otherwise, the opportunity will always be there.

As always in life, think before you speak. Be kind and considerate toward the woman that you know are suffering from infertility. No amount of advice from a person that has not suffered from infertility is going to help heal her empty womb, aside from a fertility specialist, or mental health provider. Infertility is a silent horror. It is something that has changed my life forever, and my marriage. I know I have much more life to live, and though my empty womb may never be healed, I have the time to try and heal my heart and mind to some degree.